The knock at the door

is never a good one

like the long-lost love

or even a sexy rep from

the Illumanati sent to

inform me that if I just

join with then they’ll

set me up for life in a

job that I love, like starting

a no-kill cat shelter to be

staffed by an assortment

of feline-loving ladies.

But the knock at the door

is never a good one, like

some smarmy-smiling

game show host sent

to present me with a

colossal check for

winning a contest I can’t

even remember entering;

and the knock at the door

is never the sexy, mysterious

lady I once passed my

number to on a beer-stained

napkin in the kind of club

our mothers warned us about.

Instead the knock is about a

bum twenty I unknowkingly

passed at the local McDonalds

a month or so prior, or a

Jehovah’s Witness looking like

genetic hell warmed over one

too many times, or some


neighbor asking if he can

mow the lawn I don’t even

give a damn about. Hell,

“let the grass grow” and

“never answer the knock

at the door” are just two

of my favorite mottos,

don’t ya know.


— Fyodor Bukowski, author of Mail-Order Annie

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